#TruthBooking: Airing It Out

#TruthBooking: I feel like I'm chasing after my life a lot these days, trying to stay caught up while also trying to stay present with my kids. And often not succeeding at either goal! Truth be told, I think this is what's called "adulting with kids". I know I'm moving too fast or lacking in boundaries when my emotions catch me so off guard I am blindsided and hurt others. As an empathic, creative, intuitive woman I'm often full of all the feelings. If I don't find ways to healthfully express and process them, they tend to run my life and especially drive the bus of my reactions and responses.
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This happened with my kids this weekend. After erupting at them unnecessarily, I removed myself, collapsed in a chair, and had a come apart. Sometimes I forget to let the pressure out of my instafeelings pot. I was so mad at myself for how I had reacted to the kids. After all, I am the adult, and they thrive when we connect with them and invite them into our calm rather than join them in their chaos. I know, we all do it. Even my picture perfect friends who are child therapists have a side they call Dragon Mom. But for me it's always a sign that I've not paid attention or made space for feelings to be expressed in a healthy way. I apologized to the kids, we had snuggles and moved forward.
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This week I'm trying to be mindful daily of what needs to be aired out within me. Today that looked like crying in the car after preschool drop-off cause I needed to feel some of the edges of the hard things I can't change in my life. The ocean didn't overtake me. I cried and felt and showed up for myself and then moved on with the next thing.